Spot the Difference #3: It's not exactly "Hallelujah"

Alexandra Burke has just released the official video for her fourth single "All Night Long"



There are points in the video when the whole thing could be replaced with a pulsating screengrab saying "I'M AN X FACTOR WINNER BUT THIS IS NOT A BALLAD" (the bit with the duct tape over the nipples comes to mind, and the very presence of Pitbull). Before we go all critical, let us stress, we do like the video and song for a number of reasons:

1. There's a bit where everyone at this impromptu party breaks out into an amazingly choreographed dance routine and there's a part of us that would love that to happen everytime we play "Fight For This Love" in the living room.

2. Someone wields a phone which has been monographed "AB" with some diamante. Diamantically, if you will. We want to think this is a neologism (as well as a design trend) which could catch on, so we're immediately heading off to void the warranty on the iPhone.

3. It's easy to forget behind everything that's going on is that this is a cracking song which will hopefully hit a nerve with the record buying public in a way which the equally-if-not-more cracking Broken Heels didn't. Alex's voice is tonally very rich which is what lifts this from being a Cascada album track to a genuinely brilliant "should-be-top-ten-if-there's-any-justice" Summer tune. It's certainly got the prerequisite catchiness covered with the "all night, all night, all night, all night" hook.

The problem may lie, in the fact that Alexandra just hasn't managed to carve out a unique selling point at this stage. "Bad Boys" did the job of being the prerequisite "this is done by an X Factor winner?!" release, but Alexandra still hasn't managed to escape that tag in the same way that Leona managed to. SyCo are trying their hardest to chuck every rapper/producer/urban darling at her in order to differentiate her from anything that the X Factor has put out before but it just isn't sticking. And there's a note of desperation in the air that on this front; SyCo are beginning to lose their way. For instance, where have you seen sunglasses like these before?

If your answer is "the Telephone video" you'd probably be on to something. In fact, the whole video has a certain whiff of "Just Dance" about it, doesn't it?

We need to be clear about one thing. Alexandra Burke is not Lady Gaga. And this is a good thing, the two are completely different artists who, if we're honest, are actually working in completely different spheres if you set aside the fact that they both produce pop music. I can see what Alexandra and her team are trying to do with this video, but they're not going to create that USP around her if they're piggybacking off the imagery, symbology and style of other artists. All it's going to do is feed into that pernicious sentiment that if you "graduate" from the X Factor, all you'll be able to do is piggyback off other people's ideas and talents. As Diana Vickers in particular has proven, that really doesn't need to be the case.

MIA - Born Free

This is the new MIA video for latest single "Born Free". If you're of a sensitive disposition we'd advise not pressing 'play' (expect nudity, violence and some downright uncomfortable vistas).



Let's just get one thing straight. The song is brilliant, and a perfect reinvention for MIA after she sprang to prominence thanks to her inclusion on the Slumdog Millionaire track. This serves as a fairly jarring reminder that MIA's music can be extremely edgy. The dark and brooding beats complement the menacing delivery of the lyrics brilliantly. The video is extremely controversial and it makes for uncomfortable, threatening viewing. But there isn't the sense that this is a "controversy for controversy's" sake type of video. Rather, it's a clever artistic decision to provide a visual manifestation of the darkness which pervades this song. And, crucially, it's a very clever way of ensuring that any new audiences MIA might have picked up on the back of Slumdog know exactly what they're getting themselves in to.

Chartramble - Sunday 25th April

Here's the top ten:

1. (-) Diana Vickers: 'Once'
2. (1) Usher ft. will.i.am: 'OMG'
3. (-) Chipmunk ft. Esmée Denters: 'Until You Were Gone'
4. (4) Plan B: 'She Said'
5. (2) Scouting For Girls: 'This Ain't A Love Song'
6. (3) Professor Green ft. Ed Drewett: 'I Need You Tonight'
7. (5) Kelis: 'Acapella'
8. (8) Timbaland ft. Justin Timberlake: 'Carry Out'
9. (-) Tina Turner: 'The Best'
10. (7) Selena Gomez & The Scene: 'Naturally'

Some reactions and a look ahead to this week's new releases are to be found after the jump...

Bonnie Tyler, what have you done?

Longtime readers of thepopweb will realise that we have a longstanding affection for Bonnie Tyler. "Total Eclipse of the Heart", in particular, is one of our favourite songs of all time.

You can sense our despair, therefore, when you turn on the TV to see an advert like this:



Now, we endured when Bonnie allowed that male voice choir to warble over "Eclipse" but this is a step too far. Please, Bonnie, we know in these cash-strapped times it's difficult for 80s stars to keep food on the table but please, please, please, next time someone rings up waving a couple of twenty quid notes down at the phone, don't immediately leap at the chance to whore out your back catalogue to furnish an advertising exec's bank account.

We're not asking for much.

"When I was seven they said I was strange"

September 2009, now we come to think of it, was a fairly tumultous month in the world of pop. It saw the demise of one great pop institution and what-should-almost-certainly-have-been the demise of another. But aside from the temporal coincidence of their respective "line up changes", there is a richer vein of material which connects The Sugababes...

 (Please note, conclusive research from thepopweb laboratories has determined that THIS is the definitive line-up of the Sugababes, even if Heidi clearly had to rush out from clown college in order to attend this particular "bash")

...and Chas & Dave.

 Find out how they're connected after the jump...

Oh God, my ears.

 
This is what happens, when ANYONE in the UK insists that Pete Waterman has been any good whatsoever since Steps ended.



Ladies and Gentlemen, this is our next entry to Eurovision. If I were the rest of Europe, I'd be finding the fastest way possible to annexe us completely from our own continent.

HAS NOBODY LEARNED A LESSON FROM THIS???!!!

The Summer of Stuart (Price)

Anyone with even half an eye on the blogosphere won't have been able to excape the fact that during the past week, two fairly amazing pieces of music have been previewed. Firstly, Scissor Sisters finally pulled back the curtain after months of previews and teasing to give a first glimpse of their upcoming album Night Work. The first single from said album is going to be "Fire On Fire" on June 20th, but the first full preview they've given us is the album's closer "Invisible Light"



The portents from this sneak preview (alongside some other interviews which Jake Shears has given in the recent past) are very good for fans hoping for a return to form from the band. We at The Pop Web have long believed that Scissor Sisters are at their very best when they take their music to dark places. If "Invisible Light" is anything to go by, we may be seeing a return to that direction, rather than the upmarket levity offered by "Ta-Dah". We particularly enjoy the Thriller/Vincent Price-esque Ian McKellen voiceover in the middle of the track. The Scissor Sisters consistently manage to pull it out of the bag for their albums' closing tracks (c.f. the ABSOLUTELY SPELLBINDING "Return To Oz" and a real highlight on "Ta-Dah", "Transistor"). We really hope that this journey of discovery that Shears has ostensibly been on for the past couple of years brings a real grit back to Scissor Sisters. Whilst "Ta-Dah" offered some extremely servicable pop to the market in a fairly bleak 2006/7, there was very little there which captured the magic of the debut album, with the subversive combination of energy, despair and New York City nightlife permeating the music. We keep our fingers crossed.

To follow that, noon yesterday saw the shocking announcement that Kylie Minogue had finally gotten on with it and was bringing out a new record: Aphrodite.

(Amazing artwork etc. etc.).

It's a bit of a taboo in pop music circles to point out that Kylie's music can be very divisive, and her output is not necessarily as consistently brilliant as some would make out (c.f. "Red Blooded Woman" and "2 Hearts" as just a few recent examples). Nonetheless, to whet our appetites before it all kicks off on 28th June (it's going to be a good fortnight, pop fans), she's given a thirty second preview of the new single, "All The Lovers".



I think we can all agree we got a lot from that.

In all seriousness, this seems a definite (and therefore by default wise) departure from 2 Hearts which was largely responsible for the commercial disaster which was "X". In fact, it sounds to these ears very much a return to the "I Believe In You" school of pop, which would make sense given we know the two (along with Calvin Harris) have been in the studio together.

Also, lest we forget, if "All The Lovers" sounds even slightly like "I Believe In You" then it's safe to say Kylie's on to a winner.

Again, we eagerly await the full reveal.

One thing is for certain, however, the man at the heart of both of these make-or-break projects for these two paradigmatic twenty-first century pop artistes, has a big responsibility on his shoulders. Both Kylie and Scissor Sisters really need these albums to catapult them back to a place which is relevant, cutting edge and commercially viable. Both Kylie and Scissor Sisters have a fanbase which, whilst extremely dedicated, will only be further alienated if they are given two consecutive albums which don't quite hit the mark. Both Kylie and Scissor Sisters have therefore turned to this man, to try and work some magic on these crucial pop records:

We sincerely that Stuart Price is up to the challenge.

Wait a minute, this is the same man who bears responsibility for this:



"Nightwork" and "Aphrodite" going to be bloody amazing, aren't they?

Chartramble - Sunday 18th April

So... hot off the "press" this is what the top ten looks like this week:


1. (2) Usher ft. will.i.am: 'OMG'
2. (1) Scouting For Girls: 'This Ain't A Love Song'
3. (-) Professor Green ft. Ed Drewett: 'I Need You Tonight'
4. (3) Plan B: 'She Said'
5. (-) Kelis: 'Acapella'
6. (4) Lady GaGa ft. Beyoncé: 'Telephone'
7. (-) Selena Gomez & The Scene: 'Naturally'
8. (6) Timbaland ft. Justin Timberlake: 'Carry Out'
9. (5) Tinie Tempah: 'Pass Out'
10. (7) INNA: 'Hot'

Some observations:

1) As if to prove that we clearly know nothing, Usher is at number 1. The earlier objections we raised still apply, however.

2) We're not saying that "I Need You Tonight" by Professor Green is a *bad* song, we're just saying that we'd quite like to hunt him down, slap him in the face with an INXS CD and ask him to go home, try again, and leave Michael Hutchence alone. We aren't claiming for a moment that there is no room for samples in pop music. All we ask is that if you do use them, at least DO SOMETHING INTERESTING WITH THEM. Rather than rap over the top. The whole thing wouldn't even be so bad, if he didn't look like a 16 year old and thus rob the song of *any* maturity whatsoever. Or perhaps we're just getting old. Either way, N-Dubz have a lot to answer for (i.e., they have this to answer for).

3) Homework for this week is to go away and make notes on "Acapella" by Kelis. THIS is how you do interesting pop music, ladies and gentlemen. Kelis' voice is, as ever, amazing and the whole thing is accompanied by a video which is ridiculously fantastic.

4) Selena Gomez has, in many ways, fulfilled the Justin Bieber role this week. But my God, what a cracker of a debut. Brilliant back-beat, and a US tween idol defies all the expectations and creates an interesting electropop number with a suitably catchy chorus. A B+, to borro some transatlantic parlance.

5) Tinie Tempah and INNA haven't buggered off yet :(

That's this week, what about next week? Well available for your perusal are the following:

Diana Vickers emerges from the X Factor wilderness with a song which is... not awful. You would not believe how difficult it is for us to say that, given we very firmly fell on the "hate" part of the love/hate divide during Vickers' X Factor tenure. However, "Once" (we couldn't find a video sadly, if someone could point us in the right direction we'd be much obliged) is a song which works with her very divisive voice and builds to a nice crescendo. Are we completely sold? No. Would we like to see this get a decent top-10 position next week? Probably. *goes for a lie down*

Chipmunk is back. Let joy be unconfined. Esmee Denters doesn't really add much to this and delivers a very anaemic vocal. "Until You Were Gone" is pleasant enough, we suppose, but it doesn't have star potential written all over it. So it'll probably reach number 2 next week on that basis alone.

Oh and here's N-Dubz. And the first problem with "Say It's Over" is the reference to a "pager". Tulisa has a cracking voice. Its just a shame that the other two-thirds are about as entertaining as a Jacob's cracker. After it's been in the cupboard. For a year.

Thankfully Shakira's about to salvage this week's releases. We particularly recommend this T4 performance a showcase of what's going on. Shakira is far better known for her higher-tempo tracks, but for our money, her ballads and love songs tend to be far stronger, and this is no exception to that rule. The chorus particularly is fairly brilliant.

Thank God for that: we were seriously worried that we were going to endorse Diana Vickers as having the best single released this week...

"It's still number one, it's Top of the Bit.lys"

An article from Digital Spy today (which was in turn digested from The Sun) has raised The Pop Web's ire. According to sources at the BBC (a source within the 8 or so people who work for the Official Charts Company is curiously absent) there have been discussions to reform the UK Singles chart. We want to draw out one important consequence of using the word "reform" right off the bat:

When people say they want reform, they never quite get around to stipulating how much reform they want.

The "plan" if it's even reached that stage, would be to try and take into account the various streaming media which people now use to access and consume music (the article mentions Facebook, MySpace and Youtube, but presumably such a plan would have to also include services such as We7, Spotify and, if it gets off the ground properly, mFlow). The justification on the face of it, is sensible: nowadays we don't just access music by going down to the record store and buy yourself a single or album. Indeed, we might not even download a song that we like. We might simply get a youtube/spotify account, put something into a playlist/constantly press refresh and listen away to our hearts content. The argument proceeds, that given the popularity of these methods of accessing songs, then it could be argued that a chart based upon the physical/digital sales of tracks does not reflect which tracks are the most popular. On its own terms, this argument is all fine and dandy. There may even be some truth in it.

HOWEVER, this does not mean that some poor sod at the Official Charts Company should henceforth be assigned to totting up the hits on a youtube video in order to work out what is actually number 1. For a start, every single one of the services above have a methodological flaw to them which would render their inclusion in the chart almost completely untenable. Let us take them one by one.

Confusing a song's popularity for its video's popularity

Lady Gaga's Telephone video recently amassed half a million views within twelve hours. In a development which was perhaps not unexpected, the song reached number 1 the following week. You won't be shocked to learn that the song itself didn't amass anywhere near that level of sales. All this statistic demonstrates, is that the video (or, possibly the song) attracted enough interest to convince people to view it a total of half a million times. It does *not* demonstrate that the same number of people enjoyed the song. Now if Telephone's youtube hits counted towards its chart position, we'd be very surprised if it wasn't still number 1 in the UK. As it happened, Telephone notched up two weeks before being knocked off by Scouting For Girls. Let's move to a hypothetical point: what if there is a song which millions of people listen to on youtube but a paltry few ever download? Why should that translate into a higher chart placing, when the PROMOTIONAL video fails to translate into record sales , should the song chart higher? The problem with incorporating youtube views into a song's chart position, is that it runs the risk of confusing a song's popularity with its video.

Duplication

A second problem: which video do you count? Take the recent invasion of the charts by the Glee Cast. Since the start of the year, they've scored 7 top 40 hits. *None* of them, have an official video. They all reached the charts based upon people seeing the show (or perhaps hearing the song independently) and *downloading* the track. If we take "Don't Stop Believin'" as an example, at current count, 3 separate videos featuring the song appear on youtube when you search for it. Do all of those videos get counted towards its chart position? How about only those which contain an iTunes link to the song? Again, what if people are choosing to listen to a video which doesn't contain this link? A counterargument to this latter point may be that the chart has always recognised and exclusively considered official channels when people download music (which is why services like limewire unsuprisingly aren't considered when the chart is compiled). This proposal to reform the chart wouldn't simply affect the output of Radio 1 from 4-7pm on Sundays: changing the chart would require the very infrastructure of music hosting services such as youtube to change.

The Twitter problem

Picture the scene: we're on twitter (follow us "@" thepopweb *by the way*). We're perhaps in a library or a cafe. We've got spotify or last.fm on and a song comes on we really like. We think *we know* we'll tell everyone about it, thanks to these wonderful social networking devices we have. The link to said song, though, is rather large, and we want room for a comment: so we go to a link shortening website, retrieve our wieldier link, and post something like:

Thepopweb http://bit.ly/aqkj4f <- Listen to this. It's literally better than Beethoven

You, intrigued, click on our link. It redirects you to Bach's "Brandenburg Concerto No.4" "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga. Well done, completely unwittingly, you've just added a view to a video/a hit on a song and contributed to your chart position. Did you mean to? Probably not. But that's the problem with trying to include media which can be extremely "apropos of nothing" into an institution which aims to take a snapshot of the popularity of music. You don't have the same problem with sales figures. However much we may try, we're probably never likely to be able to trick you into purchasing and downloading "Love Don't Live Here" by Bananarama :-( in the exact same way we're unlikely to trick you into buying a CD by slipping it into a copy of The Sun when you next go to the newsagents (please ignore the extremely slim chance of a newsagent which isn't called WH Smith sellling CD singles). New media allows us to recommend songs to people extremely easily. The only way of determining whether those recommendations have any effectiveness is to measure... yes, you guessed it... whether people then go on to purchase a copy of said songs for themselves.

So to sum up...

Including anything other than sales into the UK Singles Charts is an incredibly bad idea. Essentially all these proposals would do, would be to create a 2.0 version of the old Pepsi Chart, where how many times a song was played on the radio counted towards its chart positions. Yes, that's right, when the GCAP network decided to push *this* down everyone's throats in 1999, it counted towards its chart position, despite the fact that that heavy promotion didn't translate to sales. These proposed changes carry the same methodological flaws which allow the charts to be hi-jacked by special interests (whether it be a record company trying to spike a chart position, or a Rage-esque chart campaign which sacrifices a measure of a song's commercial success amongst the majority for the agenda of a disgruntled minority, but we've already talked about that).  

Ultimately, the only reliable measure of a song's popularity is how well promotional efforts translate into people parting with their hard earned (or indeed, nefariously earned, we don't really care) cash to have the music in their collection.

Chartramble - Monday 12th April

This is what this week's top ten looks like:

1. (1) Scouting For Girls: 'This Ain't A Love Song'
2. (8) Usher ft. will.i.am: 'OMG'
3. (3) Plan B: 'She Said'
4. (2) Lady GaGa ft. Beyoncé: 'Telephone'
5. (5) Tinie Tempah: 'Pass Out'
6. (16) Timbaland ft. Justin Timberlake: 'Carry Out'
7. (9) INNA: 'Hot'
8. (6) Rihanna: 'Rude Boy'
9. (7) Justin Bieber ft. Ludacris: 'Baby'
10. (10) Cheryl Cole: 'Parachute'

Some observations:

1) It's kind of Tinie Tempah and Timbaland to band together to produce a step by step guide on how to cope if, when out "in the club" one of your party members faints. I.E. If they "Pass Out" it's up to you to "Carry Out" or at least fetch the nearest first-aid trained bouncer. If Tinie Tempah MUST clutter up the top 10, we're glad he's performing some kind of public service.

2) Scouting for Girls are still clinging on to the number 1 spot. We've never been part of the "hate" that S4G seem to attract (indeed, two years ago at the V Festival they were bloody brilliant and really helped liven up a drizzly spell). However, it seems a shame that this is the song that's propelled them to the top spot, given that one of the key elements of their appeal is their playful sense of humour. Add a couple of guitars and Gerard Way wailing over the top, and, lyrically, this one isn't too far away from a lead single on My Chemical Romance's next album campaign (actually, now we come to think of it, Jo Whiley Fearne *shudders* Cotton might want to consider this for the "Live Lounge").

3) Perhaps it'll be a "grower" but Usher and will.i.am's tie-up really has a sense that something more could have been done. We appreciate the word "Gosh" being used instead of "God" as it makes it the kind of thing that our Granny would be quite happy to sing along to without fear of a blasphemy charge. We don't appreciate the utter lack of interesting vocals from Usher. That's not to say we're demanding he hits every note in his range every time he's within 10ft of a microphone, just that it would be nice to variate from the one or two he chucks out on this song.

4) Numbers 3, 5, and 7 are almost unlistenable. Plan B, for our money, just doesn't have "it" and following a sound which only occasionally works for Amy Winehouse isn't going to cut it. On the plus side, the bit in the video where the jury starts clicking is definitely a highlight. INNA's Hot is just bloody awful.

5) We really want not to like Justin Bieber but sadly we have failed :( - Again, to look at the positives, it's unlikely that we have the next Hanson on our hands which can only be good news, as the first Hanson (or Hanson 1.0, if you will) was fairly bloody perfect and frankly there have been very few songs released in history that have been as good as MmBop.

So that's that. Looking at the week ahead these are some of the highlights of this week's new releases:

Banana-f'in-rama!!! are releasing an absolute stomper which should have Little Boots et al listening attentively and taking notes. "Love Don't Live Here" is a brilliantly constructed, thoroughly modern pop song. We expect it to get to about number 45 :-(

Jay-Z and Swiss Beatz are bringing out "On To The Next One" which is similarly brilliant. What Jay Z can't do with a backing beat isn't worth doing, frankly. This one is innovative and engaging. Tinie Tempah, take note.

But the big news is that Kate Nash is releasing something which isn't fifteen shades of awful. So that's a plus. You know, in private circles (dinner parties and the like) we haven't been very fair to Kate Nash. She's actually got a really nice voice and we just wish that she'd let that shine through rather than putting all the emphasis on some fairly ropey lyrics. Thankfully, this single seems to have learned that lesson. Well done, Nash.

So, there you have it, three great singles being released next week. Perhaps this means we'll have 100% less Scouting For Girls bringing their B game at number 1 next week.

Oh, and just in case we failed to emphasise it enough, stop what you're doing and give yourselves a lesson in how to do great pop music, courtesy of Banarama:

"Heeee-re in my heart..."

Observant readers of The Pop Web will have noted our sister project "Every 1" which reviews and contextualises every UK number 1. In honour of this quest, we thought we would try and take on a connecting challenge which spans a huge swathe of the history of the UK number 1. The first UK number 1 was achieved by Al Martino with "Here In My Heart" in November 1953. 50 years later, this song was the UK number 1:



Christina Aguilera - Dirrty

Yes, commemorating the 50th anniversary of the UK number 1 was a song with a video featuring bare-knuckle boxing and all manner of hedonistic activity (interestingly, the video for Dirrty was only banned in Thailand after it was revealed that at one point in the video Christina was standing in front of a wall which contained grafiti advertising child prostitutes). Apart from the accidents of history which placed them at these milestones of the UK chart, what else connects these two?

Well... Al Martino, in addition to his singing career, also had a part in the Godfather as the singer Johnny Fontaine.

"Starring" alongside Al was none other than Diane Keaton. But before we hear the hundreds of voices of complaint, bear with us, we haven't turned into a "connect the movie star" blog, the good folks at imdb have already sorted that out for us. Diane Keaton, in addition to being an actress has also tried her hand at directing and crucially, made a brief foray into the world of the music video and directed this 80s classic:



As we've discussed elsewhere, we wouldn't want you to go away thinking that "Heaven Is A Place On Earth" is the unchallenged pinacle of Belinda Carlisle's career but, needs must, and this is the link that the chart web has provided. Belinda Carlisle's career was driven in part by the songwriting genius that is Rick Nowles who, in his time has wrote several absolute smashes (e.g. this, this and this). If that amazing collection of writing credits wasn't enough, he also co-wrote one of the strongest ballads for the Queen of Pop:



Power Of Goodbye by Madonna takes us on to our home stretch. In 2002, the stars (and their schedules) aligned and Madonna teamed up with Britney Spears on Me Against The Music



It's a shame really, you'd think with two of pop's most entertaining and compelling women on a record they'd be able to come up with something a little less... well... a little less "third single off the album", wouldn't you? Sadly, in the world of pop 1 + 1 doesn't always equal 2 so there you go. Anyway, you can probably see where we're going now, can't you? Yes. Well, if not, this picture should give it away...

Britney's career set off in the Mickey Mouse Club in 1993, as Christina Aguilera reached the end of her tenure (Justin Timberlake was also knocking around but forget about that for now). Christina and Britney's career have operated in remarkable parallel with one another in one sense (i.e. the "sense" of most tabloid media), and with completely no correlation in another (i.e. in an actual comparison of the two's chart career). The comparison between Britney and Christina may have been a little fair at the start of their career but as time has gone on, the two have actually traversed fairly discrete routes. In any event, that's an article for another day. The journey is complete. Number 1 at the start of year 1, and Number 1 at the start of year 50, united by The Pop Web.

Al Martino - Diane Keaton - Belinda Carlisle - Rick Knowles - Madonna - Britney Spears - Christina Aguilera

Oh, but before we forget, can we just emphasise that whatever else Christina has relased throughout her career, in our view she's never been much better than she was on this.