Chartramble - Sunday 18th April

So... hot off the "press" this is what the top ten looks like this week:


1. (2) Usher ft. will.i.am: 'OMG'
2. (1) Scouting For Girls: 'This Ain't A Love Song'
3. (-) Professor Green ft. Ed Drewett: 'I Need You Tonight'
4. (3) Plan B: 'She Said'
5. (-) Kelis: 'Acapella'
6. (4) Lady GaGa ft. Beyoncé: 'Telephone'
7. (-) Selena Gomez & The Scene: 'Naturally'
8. (6) Timbaland ft. Justin Timberlake: 'Carry Out'
9. (5) Tinie Tempah: 'Pass Out'
10. (7) INNA: 'Hot'

Some observations:

1) As if to prove that we clearly know nothing, Usher is at number 1. The earlier objections we raised still apply, however.

2) We're not saying that "I Need You Tonight" by Professor Green is a *bad* song, we're just saying that we'd quite like to hunt him down, slap him in the face with an INXS CD and ask him to go home, try again, and leave Michael Hutchence alone. We aren't claiming for a moment that there is no room for samples in pop music. All we ask is that if you do use them, at least DO SOMETHING INTERESTING WITH THEM. Rather than rap over the top. The whole thing wouldn't even be so bad, if he didn't look like a 16 year old and thus rob the song of *any* maturity whatsoever. Or perhaps we're just getting old. Either way, N-Dubz have a lot to answer for (i.e., they have this to answer for).

3) Homework for this week is to go away and make notes on "Acapella" by Kelis. THIS is how you do interesting pop music, ladies and gentlemen. Kelis' voice is, as ever, amazing and the whole thing is accompanied by a video which is ridiculously fantastic.

4) Selena Gomez has, in many ways, fulfilled the Justin Bieber role this week. But my God, what a cracker of a debut. Brilliant back-beat, and a US tween idol defies all the expectations and creates an interesting electropop number with a suitably catchy chorus. A B+, to borro some transatlantic parlance.

5) Tinie Tempah and INNA haven't buggered off yet :(

That's this week, what about next week? Well available for your perusal are the following:

Diana Vickers emerges from the X Factor wilderness with a song which is... not awful. You would not believe how difficult it is for us to say that, given we very firmly fell on the "hate" part of the love/hate divide during Vickers' X Factor tenure. However, "Once" (we couldn't find a video sadly, if someone could point us in the right direction we'd be much obliged) is a song which works with her very divisive voice and builds to a nice crescendo. Are we completely sold? No. Would we like to see this get a decent top-10 position next week? Probably. *goes for a lie down*

Chipmunk is back. Let joy be unconfined. Esmee Denters doesn't really add much to this and delivers a very anaemic vocal. "Until You Were Gone" is pleasant enough, we suppose, but it doesn't have star potential written all over it. So it'll probably reach number 2 next week on that basis alone.

Oh and here's N-Dubz. And the first problem with "Say It's Over" is the reference to a "pager". Tulisa has a cracking voice. Its just a shame that the other two-thirds are about as entertaining as a Jacob's cracker. After it's been in the cupboard. For a year.

Thankfully Shakira's about to salvage this week's releases. We particularly recommend this T4 performance a showcase of what's going on. Shakira is far better known for her higher-tempo tracks, but for our money, her ballads and love songs tend to be far stronger, and this is no exception to that rule. The chorus particularly is fairly brilliant.

Thank God for that: we were seriously worried that we were going to endorse Diana Vickers as having the best single released this week...