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If there's one thing that we think has been missing from 2012, it's been that one MASSIVE album campaign that has eclipsed consideration of everything else. In other words, Adele managed to take a year off, and thankfully didn't sell seventeen million copies of Diamonds Are Forever Skyfall kindly giving everyone else the chance to have a go. This, in our view, is the result.
This would have been massively improved if Kimbra's verse had gone "if he shows up outside my house ONE MORE TIME singing 'Ba Ba Bloody Black Sheep' I'm going to shoot him in the face.
THE REAL TOP 15
In our younger days, we had a bit of a visceral reaction to the news of a new Robbie Williams single. It usually featured us telling the 3 people we could get to listen how overrated he was and how turgid and dull it was inevitably going to be. Age and maturity has changed all of that. As has the realisation that he's a much nicer bloke with the arrogance of the turn of the century kicked out of him by mediocre album sales. (Not to mention a reunion with Take That that we're not sure - deep down - he really wanted). So it was refreshing to see a Robbie who had to focus on the basics - carving out a good, radio-friendly hit. Enter Candy. This is Robbie's strongest work in years, playing to his strengths as the prototype of cheeky-chappie-and-occasional-massive-twat Olly Murs. The brassy hook is infectious, Robbie's lyrics are witty and the reggae tinge to his vocals make this the most refreshing single he's released in years. More of the same, please.
If you'd said at the beginning of the year that we'd include an Icelandic indie band on this list, we'd have slapped you around the face with the copy of Up The Bracket we deny ever buying in 2004. But here we are. Little Talks is simply a stunning song. It has an incredibly catchy hook, and the lyrics describing the internal anguish surrounding a breakup are subtler than Lady Antebellum could ever dream of. We're a sucker for a good vocal duet, and Nanna Bryndís Hilmarsdóttir's voice turned out to be one of the most compelling we heard all year.
Scandinavians just *get* pop music don't they?
Niki and the Dove's Instinct album would definitely scoop our accolade for "best album of 2012 not recorded by Frank Ocean". This lead single sums up everything that's great about it. The atmospheric introduction and the haunting vocals of Marlin Dahlstrom explode into an incredible, swooping chorus. Amidst the ethereal electronica production, it's easy to miss the track's amazing lyrical moments. Such as the first line of the chorus which states "If tomorrow comes, I want to waste my life with you". An incredible track which augurs well for the trio's future. Or, at least, tides us over nicely until Robyn gets on with that new album "thing".
We're not going to lie, readers. The Mylo Xyloto album campaign has had us regularly retreating into a corner, rocking back and forth and feverishly muttering "We like Coldplay. We like Coldplay?! We like Coldplay?!". But despite our previous hostility towards the band (apart from our previously documented crush on Guy Berryman who remains just DREAMY) we can't deny that this album has seen Coldplay produce some amazing pop music. Capping the whole thing off for us, is this duet with Rihanna. Let us be clear: on paper, it's not clear why this should work. It's hard to explain why Rihanna's voice works so well with Chris Martin's. It just does. Or maybe it doesn't. Maybe it's just the brilliant arrangement of the backing track which begins with juddering synths building into long sweeping piano driven crescendos in the last minute of the song. Maybe it's the catchy as all-get-out lyrical hook of "Could've been a princess, could be a king/ Could'a been a castle, I wanna ring". Whatever it is, it's both a roaring success to cap off Coldplay's best album to date, and the best thing Rihanna's been involved in all year. So well done, we suppose.
If we had one phrase to sum up this year's countdown, readers, it would be "love/hate". Jessie J annoys us more than we can put into words. Her overrated vocal ability. Her completely overwrought and self-indulgent song writing. The way that for no given reason on The Voice she would press that bloody button with her leg or elbow. David Guetta also irritates us but more on that later.
But Laserlight is just so bloody GOOD. Yes Jessie's vocal borders on the screechy throughout, yes the production has the subtlety of a brick, but it works. It just. Works. We've been bouncing around clubs all year deafening poor victims around us by trying to scream out the top notes. We've thought ourselves really cool by hitting the "D-D-D-D-David G" bits perfectly. We've developed an amazing arms-outstretched as if preparing for some sort of heavenly translation dance move for the bridge. It's been a great year. So well done Jessie J. We fully expect you to resort to singing dreary ballads about your broken leg in 2013 and we'll go back to our usual antipathy. Normal service will resume.
Max Martin, will you marry us? The man can't stop writing amazing songs. But it's not just Martin's ear for an incredible pop hook that makes this track special. It's Swift's willingness in the lyrics to turn the spotlight on her own relationship history with various Hollywood and entertainment A-listers (and John Mayer). It's Swift's charming country vocal being channelled into a proper full on pop belter. It's THAT interlude.
"So he calls me up and he's like 'I still love you' and I'm like... I'm just... like 'this is exhausting' you know? Like, we are never getting back together... Like ever."
To be honest, the "this is exhausting" bit alone is the finest pop moment of the year by itself.
It was clear from her very first X Factor performance that Misha B was going to be something very special. Putting her stamp on one of the most ubiquitous songs of the year from the get-go, it was clear we were being introduced to a brave, brassy pop star who - whatever happened - would go on to big things. It was a relief, then, that her first single proved to be the attitude-filled Home Run. The MNEK-produced track is laden with hooks, has one of the catchiest choruses of the year and most importantly showcases Misha's incredible range of talents. To channel Louis Walsh, she can sing, she can dance, she can rap, she can be the only X Factor contestant in history to get away with the lyric "wait 'til you see my yin yang up". Disappointingly, the single stalled at number 11. Never mind, I'm sure that whole supporting-Nicki-Minaj-on-tour thing probably offered all the necessary consolation.
Don't worry, we promise we haven't gone all Fearne Cotton on you. Genuinely, we feel that if guitar music must make a comeback in 2013, this is the sort of prototype we want it to be emulating. Punchy riffs; swoon-worthy vocals; catchy lyrics; lead singers we want to jump and then spoon with until around noon.
In short, not The Enemy.
THE OLYMPICS. Weren't they bloody great? Yes. And the Opening Ceremony? THE ACTUAL QUEEN. Jumping out of the helicopter. Looking royally pissed off that they weren't getting on with the athlete's parade quick enough.
And then it finally became clear what all those bloody petals were about. And then David Beckham came in on a speedboat, and Steve Redgrace jogged for a bit. And they did the right thing by giving those kids the chance to light the flame.
And then someone assassinated Paul McCartney before he could ruin Hey Jude.
It was a magical event. And this Underworld composition, fronted with the vocals of Alex Trimble from Two Door Cinema Club was its musical highlight. A hauntingly understated affair which nonetheless gave the construction of the torch its due gravitas.
Beat that "Brazil".
Basically what we're saying is that David Guetta is only tolerable when he has an incredible female vocalist who can belt out an incredible vocal over him pressing three buttons on his keyboard. Which, to be fair to him, is exactly what he serves up on Titanium. It was offered around a number of artists, including Mary J Blige who appears to have a knack for turning down massive hits. In any event though, it all worked out for the best and the vocal ended up in the hands of the song's co-writer, Sia.
Who proceeded to knock it out of the bloody park.
Opening guitar riff aside, Titanium is all about Sia and that vocal. The highlight of which is the incredible "bulletproof glaa-aa-aa-aa-aaasss" of the middle eight. It's the performance which rightly catapulted Sia - with her prodigious vocal and songwriting abilities - back into the spotlight. Oh, and well done David Guetta for not bollocksing it up.
I like to think that the genesis of Wings went something like this:
"So I've got this idea for a song. But the only way I can think we're going to pull it off is if we make Beyonce, Christina Aguilera and an excited seal into a nuclear power plant and initiate some sort of meltdown."
"Oh, but hang on, this band called Little Mix won the X Factor. They might be able to do it."
"How are their handclaps?"
"World class."
"Excellent."
When we urged Syco not to fuck Little Mix up last year, we could never have imagined they would produce something like this. It takes everything that made this band so endearing: the tight harmonies, their bubbly personalities, Jade's amazing vocalwobble and throws the kitchen sink at it. The result is a tight, uplifting and catchy as hell pop masterpiece. Without a doubt the best post-X Factor winner's single since Alexander Burke's Bad Boys.
Channel ORANGE, by any measure, is the album of 2012. An incredible cinematic eye for detail pervades the lyrics of every track on the album. That songcrafting reaches its zenith here on Pyramids - a nine-minute epic which reimagines Queen Cleopatra as a stripper. Ocean's vocals are stunning as he laments Cleopatra "laying next to Samson". Punctuating the first half of the song is some superb production work, capped off with the incredible gnarly synth beat which follows the climactic "Cleopatra, Cleopatra".
At the 4:45 mark, the tone of the track completely shifts. Suddenly we're delved into swirling, atmospheric brasses and a sinister snare beat. Ocean's lyrics take on a voyeuristic tone as he narrates Cleopatra getting out of bed and getting dressed to go to work at the Pyramids. His lament becomes truly heartbreaking as the story of a pimp falling in love with his client culminates with the final cry "but your love ain't free no more". Capped off with beautiful guitar work from John Mayer Pyramids feels more like an epic movie than an R n B track. Truly a superb artistic achievement.
We felt very strongly that fun. only warranted one inclusion on this countdown. Problem was, whilst We Are Young is the track that kicked them into the spotlight, follow-up Some Nights features one of the most incredible vocals of the year. In the end, we decided that Janelle Monae's first UK number one warranted the former's "immortalisation" in our countdown.
We Are Young is two songs thrown together on a collision course. There's the Piano Man-esque scene-setting of the chaotic bar at the end of the night of the verses. Then there's the anthemic chorus which sees Nate Reuss scream that " we can burn brighter than the sun". Throughout this chorus, Reuss' vocal truly stands out. It's rich and it's defiant, and helps to give the chorus the epic, shoutalong quality which carried all the way to number 1.
But it's the middle eight and Janelle Monae's cooing "carry me home tonight, just carry me home tonight" which sets the stage for the track's most compelling moment. Reuss screams out "The angels never arrived/but I can hear the choir/so will someone come and carry me home?". Many a time this year we staggered back home with these words ringing in our ears.
Let's not talk about the fact that this was the best song to enter the Eurovision Song Contest in years. Let's not talk about the incredible staging of the performance (even if it remains an ardent wish to clear the dance floor by reenacting the dance one day). Let's not talk about the fact that in the middle of Azerbaijan when asked what she would do after the contest, Loreen answered "get so high" to the horror of the hosts.
No. Let's talk instead about the exquisite structuring of this song, commencing in the moody, bassy verses before building to that heady, whooshing chorus. Let's talk instead about the best heavenly ascent narrative since the Ascension of Isaiah ("we're higher... we're higher than divinity" one for the PhD student crowd, there). Let's talk instead about that "we're going uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uuuu-up".
Let's talk instead about one of the most euphoric 3 minutes of music ever written.
Like, ever.
"I threw a wish in the well
Don't ask me I'll never tell
I looked to you as it fell
And now you're in my way"
There can be absolutely no doubt that if one song could sum up 2012, it would be the infectious, irresistible and infuriating Call Me Maybe. The musical child of a Canadian Idol runner up, Call Me Maybe tells a ubiquitous story. Girl meets boy. Girl falls in love with boy. Girl awkwardly gives him her number. Everyone disolves in tweenage squee.
And it's exciting. It's giggly. It's immature. It's life-changing. And yes, we are talking about the song.
Strip away the endless irritating parodies (apart from the ADORABLE cookie monster version) and what gives Call Me Maybe its charm is the incredible simplicity of the song. The string hooks, the candy-covered chorus, the energetic yelp of Jepson's vocal. It all blends together to beautifully recreate that sugary rush of teenage love.
Lyrically, the song has some deceptively sweet moments, such as the great line "before you came into my life I missed you so bad". But we could over-analyse this to death. Call Me Maybe is - to put it as simply as possible - a great pop song. If more writers could bottle the kind of wide-eyed naivety contained in track, music would - we predict - be a much happier place.
Also, the abs of the guy in the video, amirite?
