Chartramble - Monday 12th April

This is what this week's top ten looks like:

1. (1) Scouting For Girls: 'This Ain't A Love Song'
2. (8) Usher ft. will.i.am: 'OMG'
3. (3) Plan B: 'She Said'
4. (2) Lady GaGa ft. Beyoncé: 'Telephone'
5. (5) Tinie Tempah: 'Pass Out'
6. (16) Timbaland ft. Justin Timberlake: 'Carry Out'
7. (9) INNA: 'Hot'
8. (6) Rihanna: 'Rude Boy'
9. (7) Justin Bieber ft. Ludacris: 'Baby'
10. (10) Cheryl Cole: 'Parachute'

Some observations:

1) It's kind of Tinie Tempah and Timbaland to band together to produce a step by step guide on how to cope if, when out "in the club" one of your party members faints. I.E. If they "Pass Out" it's up to you to "Carry Out" or at least fetch the nearest first-aid trained bouncer. If Tinie Tempah MUST clutter up the top 10, we're glad he's performing some kind of public service.

2) Scouting for Girls are still clinging on to the number 1 spot. We've never been part of the "hate" that S4G seem to attract (indeed, two years ago at the V Festival they were bloody brilliant and really helped liven up a drizzly spell). However, it seems a shame that this is the song that's propelled them to the top spot, given that one of the key elements of their appeal is their playful sense of humour. Add a couple of guitars and Gerard Way wailing over the top, and, lyrically, this one isn't too far away from a lead single on My Chemical Romance's next album campaign (actually, now we come to think of it, Jo Whiley Fearne *shudders* Cotton might want to consider this for the "Live Lounge").

3) Perhaps it'll be a "grower" but Usher and will.i.am's tie-up really has a sense that something more could have been done. We appreciate the word "Gosh" being used instead of "God" as it makes it the kind of thing that our Granny would be quite happy to sing along to without fear of a blasphemy charge. We don't appreciate the utter lack of interesting vocals from Usher. That's not to say we're demanding he hits every note in his range every time he's within 10ft of a microphone, just that it would be nice to variate from the one or two he chucks out on this song.

4) Numbers 3, 5, and 7 are almost unlistenable. Plan B, for our money, just doesn't have "it" and following a sound which only occasionally works for Amy Winehouse isn't going to cut it. On the plus side, the bit in the video where the jury starts clicking is definitely a highlight. INNA's Hot is just bloody awful.

5) We really want not to like Justin Bieber but sadly we have failed :( - Again, to look at the positives, it's unlikely that we have the next Hanson on our hands which can only be good news, as the first Hanson (or Hanson 1.0, if you will) was fairly bloody perfect and frankly there have been very few songs released in history that have been as good as MmBop.

So that's that. Looking at the week ahead these are some of the highlights of this week's new releases:

Banana-f'in-rama!!! are releasing an absolute stomper which should have Little Boots et al listening attentively and taking notes. "Love Don't Live Here" is a brilliantly constructed, thoroughly modern pop song. We expect it to get to about number 45 :-(

Jay-Z and Swiss Beatz are bringing out "On To The Next One" which is similarly brilliant. What Jay Z can't do with a backing beat isn't worth doing, frankly. This one is innovative and engaging. Tinie Tempah, take note.

But the big news is that Kate Nash is releasing something which isn't fifteen shades of awful. So that's a plus. You know, in private circles (dinner parties and the like) we haven't been very fair to Kate Nash. She's actually got a really nice voice and we just wish that she'd let that shine through rather than putting all the emphasis on some fairly ropey lyrics. Thankfully, this single seems to have learned that lesson. Well done, Nash.

So, there you have it, three great singles being released next week. Perhaps this means we'll have 100% less Scouting For Girls bringing their B game at number 1 next week.

Oh, and just in case we failed to emphasise it enough, stop what you're doing and give yourselves a lesson in how to do great pop music, courtesy of Banarama: